Talking it out after a fight

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In a long-term relationship, it is hard to avoid a couple fight, especially if you and your partner have very strong opposing views and even stronger personalities. It could take one small 'dig' from either party to open a can of worms and before you know it, you are in a full-blown screaming match. 

If you are like me, I don't like leaving arguments hanging, I'd prefer to sort it out there and then, however, this has proven to be a challenging outcome. Once you argue with emotion and defend with pride, the fight quickly spirals out of control. It shifts to an argument on unrelated past events, and ultimately who is right. The problem with this is, it does not matter who is right, it's how do we fix this?

Well, the only way to fix it, is to talk it out. My partner prefers to talk it out a couple of days after the fight, and that's cool, as long as we never sweep it under the rug, it will bite you in the a$$ eventually. Give each other time to speak, and respect each other's point of view. When talking it out, I usually include:

  1. Why I was mad (was it something they did, or said etc.)
  2. It makes me mad because (it offended you, you went back on your promise etc.)
  3. Assure them that you want to make it work (i.e. you still want to be in this relationship), and lastly and most importantly
  4. Understand their point of view, acknowledge it, and either accept an apology or be ready to say sorry