Talking it out after a fight

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In a long-term relationship, it is hard to avoid a couple fight, especially if you and your partner have very strong opposing views and even stronger personalities. It could take one small 'dig' from either party to open a can of worms and before you know it, you are in a full-blown screaming match. 

If you are like me, I don't like leaving arguments hanging, I'd prefer to sort it out there and then, however, this has proven to be a challenging outcome. Once you argue with emotion and defend with pride, the fight quickly spirals out of control. It shifts to an argument on unrelated past events, and ultimately who is right. The problem with this is, it does not matter who is right, it's how do we fix this?

Well, the only way to fix it, is to talk it out. My partner prefers to talk it out a couple of days after the fight, and that's cool, as long as we never sweep it under the rug, it will bite you in the a$$ eventually. Give each other time to speak, and respect each other's point of view. When talking it out, I usually include:

  1. Why I was mad (was it something they did, or said etc.)
  2. It makes me mad because (it offended you, you went back on your promise etc.)
  3. Assure them that you want to make it work (i.e. you still want to be in this relationship), and lastly and most importantly
  4. Understand their point of view, acknowledge it, and either accept an apology or be ready to say sorry

 

The beauty of buffets

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To many of us food buffets offer the ultimate value for money. Allowing you to consume all-you-can-eat for a set price without any hidden fees. A place where you can test your limits and worry about the repercussions later. Mixing a variety of flavours from different culinary corners and amalgamating them onto your plate, into your own unique selection without being judged. It is a place where you can let your hair down and lead with your stomach.

A buffet is also a good place to congregate with loved ones and celebrate such occasions like 1st birthdays, Christenings, Mother's Day and so on. You can make a mess and feel like you are right at home. That is probably why the majority of people at buffets are in good spirits. It doesn't matter what nationality you are, or what you are celebrating, there is an unspoken understanding at buffets, that you are not here for any trouble, instead, you are there to enjoy the food and the company of your loved ones.

Once you have stepped into a buffet, it's like you imaginarily signed an international peace treaty and voluntarily dropped off any firearms at the front counter. It is a place to put your differences aside and be at peace. So, what you're really getting when you hand over payment to the cashier is not $20 to eat large amounts of food, no, it is $20 to enter a magically place that is occupied by many nationalities that all want the same thing, to eat, be with loved ones and just be happy.

The TV show addiction

In my 20s I remember I didn't care too much for TV shows. I was busy chasing girls, drinking with friends and hitting the club. Money's main purpose was to be spent, and the opposite sex proved to be a good distraction. I called it 'the good old days'. The only TV shows that interested me were from free to air TV. It consisted of comedies and criminal investigations, such as 'Seinfeld', 'How I met your mother', and 'CSI Miami'.

Nowadays, in my 30s TV shows rule. It is common workplace chatter to discuss what TV shows you are watching, what episode and from what season etc. I am not surprised considering how easy it is to access abundant amounts of TV shows that are available, especially from streaming services such as Netflix, Stan, Presto and Amazon Prime. If you are lucky, you have a dodgy friend who hooks you up with 'downloaded' content.

Although I do not condemn watching TV shows as it proves to be a very good money saving alternative to going out, but, too many of us it can become an addiction. Especially really good TV shows that leave you hanging forcing you through a vicious cycle of 'ok one more episode'. Before you know it, it is 2 am on a Tuesday night and you have to get up for work in 4 hours. We've all been there! Below are 5 tips that I've learned to help break the addiction:

  1. Set yourself a maximum amount to watch
  2. If you are planning a TV show marathon, include some alcohol, alcohol will get you drowsy
  3. If you find yourself watching more episodes than you should, switch the TV show to something less entertaining, it will help numb your senses
  4. If you need to get up to go for a pee or a drink, stay standing, you can use it as a cue to stop watching
  5. Take a picture of yourself when you've reached rock bottom and stick it on the TV, it will remind you of where you are headed if you keep watching

Opening dialogue

Being in your 30s is a tough gig. What you want from yourself and what society expects from you may not be a complete match. Expectations such as:

  • You should be married (or at least have a serious girlfriend)
  • You should have kids (or have kids on the way)
  • You should have a successful career in a respected company
  • You should own property
  • Blah blah blah...

In reality, for too many of us, this is not the case. I for one am still living with my parents, don't have any kids, and work in a humbling job that does not pay much. I could go on, but you get the point. I've learned that you should never live your life in somebody's expected vision, may it be society, your parents, or your peers. It will lead you down a hollow path of resentment. We each have our own journeys and our own timelines to fulfill, what's important is that you:

  1. Grow and learn from your journey
  2. Set realistic and achievable goals &
  3. Navigate a path that is true to you

At the end of the day the best assessor to how successful and meaningful your life is, is you. It should be measured on how you react to tough times, the actions you do when no-one is watching, and the work you put in day in and day out. The accumulation of all your efforts, all your hustle, all your adveristy will not go without reward. So smile and dig deep, because being in your 30s is a blessed path that you create in your own unique way.